Mercy - Wonderful To Receive BUT Hard To Give

“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.”

― Abraham Lincoln

My morning did not start off quite the way that I had planned. 

As soon as I pulled into the driveway, I got a call from one of Kenadee's friends asking to please bring her a red shirt because it was Red Week at school and Kenadee had forgotten to take the shirt to school that she was going to borrow.  I said okay and went up to Kenadee's room and found the shirt and a BIG MESS in the kid's rooms and bathroom.  

I went back to the school, wearing no makeup and my "house cleaning" clothes and ran the shirt into the school as quickly as possible avoiding ALL eye contact with anyone.

A few minutes later, when I was almost back home, I got another call from Kenadee saying that she had left her pencil box and science book in my car and asked me to bring it back to her at school again.   Are you kidding me?

Well, I did go back  and bring them to her but during that call I scolded her for her room that I had just recently seen when I went to get the shirt.  (Still in my no makeup and housecleaning clothes I might add.)

So when I got home to clean the house I went upstairs to the third story where their rooms are.   At first, my plan was to just leave their mess and make them clean it up when they got home.  Then something hit me.....maybe they deserve a little mercy.

I was hit like a ton of bricks with a feeling of guilt.  I so often have been granted mercy by God and it is not always so easy to give back to others.  I receive mercy from others but those who hurt me or offend me I tend to just write them off - forever without mercy. (Yes, I know it is a bad trait and something I am working on.)

What a blessing mercy is!   

mer·cy

n. pl. mer·cies

1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.

2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy.

3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.

4. Alleviation of distress; relief: Taking in the refugees was an act of mercy.

 I want my kids to know this kind of compassionate treatment in their lives.  I also want them to learn to give it back to others.   I especially, more than anything, want them to recognize when God grants them mercy so that they know what the feeling of being fully forgiven so that they have a chance to do great things - rather small or big!

So, today I took action to show them some mercy about not cleaning their rooms.  I cleaned them.   There will be no punishment or no more words said about today's rooms except this note left in their bathroom.   

What are some examples of how you share mercy?  I would love to know to learn from you!

Backfired Plan

Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride.
- Ron Taffel

I am not a cool mom.

Nope, not even close!

As my kids grow up in their teens years I know that they love me. I also know that they like to spend time together sometimes. However,  I am not their favored chaperon pick or homeroom mom anymore like I use to be.  They have spread their wings and like to fly solo!

Luckily, they still come home for FOOD and MONEY!   If someone else starts feeding and supporting them I might be out of luck.

So yesterday, Kaleb and I were out with the boys.   During one part of the day, the boys decided to "ditch us" and go the other side of the establishment.  In a quick moment, Kaleb and I agreed to just leave them there.  We quickly escorted ourselves to the door and made our way to the car.  We then proceeded to move our car to the other side of the building so that the boys could not see us when they came out.

Within just a few short minutes, we saw the boys exit the building and go walking towards the car.  To their surprise, we were not there.

So, off they went to walking across the parking lot and down the sidewalk looking for us.  At one point, I see Kagan look back and see Kaleb and I laughing at them.   He tugged on Kade's shirt and started to walk back towards us.   Immediately, I saw Kade grab Kagan and point onward away from us.  He knew we had got him; but he was not ready to retreat back to the car.

Now notice that my sweet boy Kagan was going to admit defeat and be a good son and come back to the car; but that other child of mine....well, he was not about to admit defeat. Don't know where on earth he got that trait from?

A few steps onto their heroic voyage of independence, I get this video -

 

I guess that whole joke backfired on us.  

They did walk a few blocks but we were there to pick them up when they got there.  

The boys did not learn the soft humored lesson of not ditching us; but hopefully they learned that when they do, we will always be there to pick them up.  

 I suppose I kinda like them two boys of mine and I will keep them as long as they will let me, even the funny one.

I love tears...

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”
- Charles Dickens

 

 

One day last week, a friend of mine gave me a link to a song that she wanted me to watch.  She said that I would love it.   I did, but I cried for hours during the day as I watched it over and over.

Later that day, Kaleb called to see how my day was going in the late afternoon.  I was nasally and stuffed up sounding and so he knew that I had been crying.  I explained what I had been doing and then I told him to go watch the video of the song.

About 5 minutes  later I got a text message from him that said "That's sweet but WHY do you that to yourself?"

This was a topic that lingered into the evening hours at our house.  He was confused as to why women (well me but he assumed all women) would watch sad, weepy and tearful things knowing that they are going to cry.  It was a mystery to him.

I on the other hand was defending my need to feel these things.  It is not sad, it is just tears about sad things.  Does that make sense to anyone else?

We have shed quite a few tears over the last few months.  Yet still, I will take a good cry any day over a bottled up and emotionless existence.  I am not saying that I am right, but merely for me if I could not shed tears over an old movie, a sweet passage in a book or moving video then I would likely explode into a manic rage.

A few of the things that I subject myself to quite frequently when I need a good cry are:

• The movie UP.  
• The movie The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
• The movie I am Sam
• The movie My Sister's Keeper  ( I don't watch as much any more.)
• Reading the book - Lovely Bones
• Reading the book - The Notebook

I guess now, I will have to add this song and video to the list for obvious reasons.  It expresses so many of the emotions I feel about Kagan.  The aspirations for his future after cancer....  If you haven't seen and want to have a good little tearful episode - here is the video and words.  It is beautiful!
  

Skin by Rascal Flatts

Skin Video

Sara Beth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well, since the day that she fell
And the bruise it just won't go away

So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad
And flips through an old magazine
Till the nurse with the smile stands at the door
And says, ?Will you please come with me??

Sara Beth is scared to death
?Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white, something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you

Six chances in ten, it won't come back again
With the therapy we're gonna try
It's just been approved, it's the strongest there is
And I think we caught it in time
And Sara Beth closes her eyes

And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And a soft wind is blowing her hair

Sara Beth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake for someone to take
A girl with no hair to the prom

For just this morning, right there on her pillow
Was the cruelest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny
And Sara Beth closes her eyes

And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love was holding her close
And a soft wind is blowing her hair

It's quarter to seven, that boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this morning where his hair had been
Softly she touches just skin

And they go dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared

The Road Home

 “Home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see is what is not there any more.”
― Robin Hobb

When I go home to Texas, I always take tons of photos.  I want to capture the memories on film so that I can look back at them forever to remember things that I never want to forget.  

I was browsing through photos when I ran across this photo.

This above is my mom's house from when she as a child.  

She tells of so many wonderful memories of her childhood.  As the daughter of parents who picked cotton for a living or sold eggs from their chickens to buy necessities she never had an excess of material things. The house she lived in, the things she had or the things she did not have never seemed to matter as she got older.  In all honesty, it is the lack of these things that probably make her the woman she is today - giving, supportive, loving and caring.

When I look at this picture of that old house,  it makes me a little sad.   The windows are broken, the roof has collapsed in and it does not even have the dignity of a front door any longer.  As a house, it has lost every characteristic of being safe, warm and inviting like it once was.  As a home though, I am sure that if she was standing in the living room today the feelings of love, the remembrances of sorrow and the memories of fun would give those sticks and stones a feeling of safety and comfort.   There would not be a mansion that could compare  if it was graded on the sweet recollections that are held within those collapsing walls.

This is a photo of my parent's backyard.  Look at the colors, the beauty and oh the memories that  took place in that backyard when I was a kid.   It is full of life.  Those grounds hosted hours full of countless good times.  Looking over this landscape is where the most important of conversations took place in my house.  It is where tears have been shed, memories have been made and love has been abundantly shared.

The beauty of that haven is merely a small glimpse of that beauty created in my parent's home.

Knowing that time passes and seasons come I fear what could be waiting for me when I pass by in years to come.  Because one day, I too could drive down this road in front of my parent's house and find that the walls no longer stand.

Yet, due to all the love shared, all the warmth wrapped around me, and the safety provided in that house I know I will always have a foundation of my home that will with stand the test of all of time.

Chemo Isn't Cheap!

I am here perched on my soap box today regarding something very near and dear to me - my pocketbook!   While money is not everything it is definitely something that makes life a lot easier to maneuver through with it.

And since medical bills are something that are consuming our savings I thought it was worth a few minutes of ranting!

My mail box is flooded every day with medical bills.  There are bills from the hospitals, the pathologist, the radiologist, the oncologist and any other "ist" that you can think of.   They have added me to their mailing list and unfortunately there is no "do not contact me list" for this sort of thing.

We are very fortunate to have wonderful medical insurance.   Even though it takes a few phone calls to get things right here and there, I could not be more pleased with our Aetna insurance.  Kaleb's company offers a range of plans and we have always picked the top tier one and thank goodness that we have.  It has been it worth every penny.

My question is what in the world do people who do not have any health insurance or do not have the type of plans that we are fortunate to have do?   Well, I know but that is not the point I am attempting to make here.  Remember, I use to manage a bankruptcy law firm so I have heard it all.

Above is a photo of of my medical bill binder (3" binder) full with medical bills for Kagan since May of this year alone!   Along side the binder is a mail box several inches think that house the un-filed medical bills that have come in within the last few weeks.   ( I often get enough mail that that mailman will leave me a nice box to carry it to the house! LOL)

The picture to right side is ONE hospital stay for CHEMOTHERAPY and the cost is $83, 224.61.  This amount did not even include the cost of the injected chemo drugs because that was on an additional bill. One cat scan was over $12,000!

I am sure that if any of you have had any severe medical issues you have binders just like mine.  We are not alone in the rising cost of medical cost. 

The part that frustrates me though is that because I have insurance these amounts are not what I pay.  I don't even pay a fraction of what is actually billed and neither does my insurance company.  Actually, I would dare to bet that NO ONE pays what is actually charged. (Bringing me back to the thoughts of medicaid, bankruptcy and just the complete ignoring of the love letters of many medical professionals!)

Why do the hospitals, doctors and so forth have to price things at such outrageous prices.  In  my opinion this is just price gouging at it's worst.   Wouldn't it be more simple to just have a STANDARD cost of ALL medical services. 

I do think that medical providers should get paid top notch.  They are worth every cent they get.  They study very hard and put in endless hours to save lives and care for people. I applaud their dedication to their profession. They have saved my son's life  and I want them to be rewarded fairly.   I am not about taking money out their pocket at all.  I just think we should eliminate the "Wal-Mart Rollback Pricing" method that they are forced to use when billing individuals without insurance and with insurance. 

And by the way, out of that one $83K we were only responsible for about $5000 of it.

Come to think of it now -  I bet it was the loyal member club discount rate that we got.   Whew..Sure am glad that I signed up for that loyalty card program.   It is obviously even more beneficial than my CVS card.  Wait.....I do think I forgot to check the box that said they could share my address and information with other companies.  Dang it.... that must be why I get so much mail!


Seriously, can Americans not figure out a non-political solution?   What do you think?

The right way to reign in healthcare costs is not by applying more government and more controls and making it more like the post office, it's by making it more like a consumer-driven market.
Mitt Romney

Writing....

 
It has always been a dream of mine to be a writer.

I wrote for both my junior high and high school papers.  My very first published article was about Greg Louganis hitting his head on the diving board during the Olympics in 1988.  That is a long time ago. I later studied Personal Communications in college because I still loved the idea of a platform that this degree allowed me.

People encouraged me to write but I never gave it all the effort I had.  I was too worried with the lack of ability and never really thought about what ability that I did have.  Then I looked at google and saw that 130 million books have been published.  It gave me hope.

At this point, I am not pursing writing a book.  It is just not the time for that now.

I am however going to quit selling myself short.  I have experience already that qualifies me to know that I have what it takes to be successful.  In various aspects of my career and volunteering I have already done the work and taken no credit.

• I have ghost written books
• I have created powerfully successful and profitable marketing sequences
• I have written copy for a variety of press releases & websites
• I have written blog after blog
• I have written and created training manuals
• I have produced a wide variety of short stories, articles and bios in numerous arenas of my life.

I am not saying that I am as talented as anyone else. However, I am beginning to let myself trust that I am talented enough to work at what I love doing.  I owe that to myself.

This year alone I have seen three different people that I know publish their first books.  Seeing them achieve this goal made it more concrete to me that I can dream to do the same.

Until then, here are the links to a few new authors that I think that you are really going to enjoy reading their debut books.  They all fit in my life in unique ways and I am super proud of each of them and their accomplishments.

Click the title to see the books on Amazon and to order your copy now!

Mike Clifton (He writes under his full name - Michael Scott Clifton) is my old basketball coach, science teacher, Sunday School teacher  and who employed me for most of my middle school years as his kids babysitter.    My mom sent me a signed copy and it was a great read! 

  The Treasure Hunt Club

 

My first childhood best friend, Amy (She writes under Natasha Osteen), has written a new book also.  I have not seen Amy in many years but through our contact I know that she is just as charming as ever.  As my pastor's daughter and good friend we spent many hours together as young kids.  Her first book is one that I am anxiously awaiting reading.  (Available October 26, 2012)

So the Sign Said

Lastly, my sweet girlfriend and our youth minister's wife has her new book coming out in the Spring of 2013.   I have read many parts of the manuscript and it is a wonderful book that all mothers should read and then make their kids read!   I definitely believe there will be many teenage bible studies focused around her new debut book.     My copy is already ordered!

The Cinderella Rule

 Let me know what you think of their books when you read them!!!

Dreaming Until It Becomes A Reality

I most recently worked for one of the most entrepreneurial men that you will ever meet.  Seriously, he could hear an idea of what McDonald's was doing and convert the idea into the McNugget of the legal world in minutes.   He was a pure genius as a visionary! 

My greatest strength was helping his visions on a scrap piece of paper or hotel notepad come to reality.   Obviously, they were his ideas and his money fronting the adventure so I had to cater to his wishes and wants but he gave me such leeway with creativity during these times.  This was the part of my job that got me fired up and excited to see what he would come up with next.

Several times a year he would go to conferences and I could not wait to get the email or have the mini-planning meeting to see what the next project would be.  I thrived and was delighted in the feel of being able to create his dream from one small piece of paper.  I loved helping him create himself into a larger that life character. 

My job was intoxicating at times. 
 

When Kagan got diagnosed with cancer, we decided that it was best that I not return to work.  At this point in time, I needed to be a mom at home more than work a job.   It was a very difficult decision but it was the right one. 

Now, as we grow closer to the days when life will return to normal I am considering what I want to do when I return to the workforce.   Then it really hit me!  I don't want to return to the same kind of workforce. 

I want to do what I love everyday so that I get that intoxicated feeling.  I want to drown in the feeling of accomplishment of turning an idea into a reality. 

I want what I had convinced myself I was not worth having on my own.   

I got a call regarding some possibilities that might allow me to stay at home and work from home with the flexibility that I want.  I would get to write, which has always been a dream of mine.   I would also get to incorporate my skill sets to help others have a voice. I would get to put the Project Management and Life Coach skills I have into play full time.   

There is still time that must pass and priorities that need to get sorted out before my dream is a reality.  However,  this is where my today's quote comes in.   I am hoping that you will help me by reading the blog...commenting on the blog and being a part of my little online world.  It is BIG  thing that will help me achieve the dream I want. 

I am asking YOU if you will HELP?

Help, I am rasing teenagers....

Photo Credit - Vanity Fair (Peggy Sirota)

“I think being a teenager is such a compelling time period in your life--it gives you some of your worst scars and some of your most exhilarating moments. It's a fascinating place; old enough to feel truly adult, old enough to make decisions that affect the rest of your life, old enough to fall in love, yet, at the same time too young (in most cases) to be free to make a lot of those decisions without someone else's approval.”   

 ― Stephenie Meyer, The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide

I love what Stephanie Meyer says in today's quote.  Clearly her understanding of teenagers is why her Twilight books/movies have been so successful.  She respects the fact that teenagers CAN make adult decisions that impact the rest of their lives and yet she expresses sympathy knowing that the teens often find themselves in over their heads.  The sad apart is regarding the fact that the approval of an adult is sometimes AFTER the fact of when the decision has been made. 

In the movies however, the teens can always count on love. LOVE becomes a currency of sorts in these movies to get them through whatever.  While I agree love is powerful - it is only as an adult that I learned that love is what makes getting through worth it....love alone will not always resolve it.

Life is hard.   Life is also wonderful.  My kids are now at the age where they are learning the balance between the two.

I am scared to death of these years.

These are the years where my kids will begin to take the steps to secure their future.  These are the years where all the things that seem so important to them right now will be unveiled to them to be trivial in years to come. 

Is it the same for me?  Is my parenting in the same cycle?   Aren't I taking steps to secure my future relationships with kids now?  Will I look back and have things I thought to be so important as trivial in years to come?

What is the best advice you have for raising teenagers?   What is it you wish someone would have told you was trivial? I want to know!!!!

3 Rules To The Olympics of Parenting

In the Sydney Olympics there was a man named Eric Moussambani who was from a small and very poor country who entered into the 100m freestyle race with literally all odds against him.   The only objective for himself was to make it to the  Olympics since he did not even qualify but was granted entry due a wild card draw of the Olympic for third world countries.

He had no training or anywhere near the physical ability of a Michael Phelps or Ryan Lochte.  He was just doing the best he could.   During his one swim, the heat to advance, he was up against two other competitors.   The gun never shot and the other two swimmers dove into the pool causing a false start leaving Eric the chance to swim the heat on his own.    HE WON!   Not because he was the best or the most trained but because he showed up and completed the task given to him.

This story reminds me of today's quote:  “Looking after a very sick child is (was) the Olympics of parenting.” - Chris Cleave

When Kaleb and I were faced with caring for Kagan and the shocking announcement that he had cancer we were just like Eric Moussambani.   We merely had no choice but to jump in the pool and swim.  Cancer had a false start and we were forced into the Olympics of parenting of quickly learning all that we could to help our son.  

The three things that we did that really made a difference was:

1.  PRAYER!  I don't say this lightly but there really is something like that moment when you drop to your knees and just surrender the outcome to God.  It is surreal and a feeling that I doubt that I will ever have a again the same way.  It was the first time in my life that really there was no other possible solution but to pray to God that I could accept whatever he brought our way.

2.  STUDY!  There is such a wealth of information out in the world to learn about anything.  If your child is sick begin to study like you did for finals. (I was always a last minute cram studier so this worked well in this case.)   Read books, read pamphlets or whatever you can get your hands on.   Don't be discouraged by any negative but consider it the "what not to do" section. 

3.  FAMILY!  Don't let your entire family life change completely.   I think the best decision we made was to keep life as normal as possible for everyone in our family as we could.  Kaleb worked, Kade and Kenadee did school and sports and Kagan managed as much of a normalcy as possible.  Sure he sometimes had to give up things but we kept it as normal as we could.   We also kept our family bound with the same rules, morals and values that we always had and did not let cancer rob our family of what worked.

It is that simple.  After these things all the incredibly difficult things started to fall in place.    I am not saying those things were simple but the platform for getting through it was.

We still have a long journey ahead of us to get to remission and to STAY in remission.  It is going to be months before we can hear those words but we are headed there and that counts.  Just like Eric, we may never be in another Olympic life situation as parents but for now we have completed our trial of at least getting in the water at the right time. 

7 Things The IRS Taught Me

For years I worked in a law office where our primary focus was fighting for the rights of clients against the IRS.  I formed long lasting relationships and during those years I learned many things about the IRS (and a lot about different types of people) that most people will never know. 

Obviously, I learned a lot about taxes.  I am probably one of the only people in the world who actually use to read the tax codes as enjoyment.  (I know what you are going to say - that's boring but I found it like a treasure hunt to read words that cost so much for the government to publish that so few people would ever read!)

• Never (and I mean NEVER) put yourself in a position where you are responsible for a companies payroll tax liability UNLESS you are willing to be responsible if they are not paid. Most people who work as a secretary or in payroll for companies trust that they are there to deal with the administrative part of the job and never fathom that they could be held responsible for the taxes if their bosses don't pay.                                                                                         
• Peoples lives change drastically based upon a wide varied of circumstances.  I saw people who were once owners of large successful companies fall victim to an illness and loose everything they have within a few years.   As I scoured through their financial information I was always amazed how one could go from living a life of complete financial independence to having food stamps and welfare to support them.
• Logic is NEVER the determining factor of how the IRS works with someone.  Make a paper trail because basically the black and white proof is the only thing that will reason with a computer program.
• The IRS has recruited me for jobs in the past and after seeing the misery of most of the agents I know that this is a career path that I will never pursue.
• Most people should be very afraid to do their own taxes and it is almost ridiculous to think of representing yourself in an audit.  It is not that the you can't - it is just that the emotion involved is not worth it even if you win.
• Most people who run businesses have no idea what they are doing.  If the government wants to invest in America they should require all small business owners who receive tax breaks training to learn how to meet the demands of the requirements of them as an owner.
• When the IRS gets involved adversely with someone a divorce is likely not far behind. 

The IRS is just a failed government entity.  The failure is based upon believing that Americans can bail out companies with their tax money,  forgive the leaders for borrowing money America doesn't have and then never receive the same courtesies from the powers that be when hard times hit them.

Keeping a Positive Attitude

Do you remember the Pattie Labelle song --  " New Attitude" (I remembered it from Miss Congeniality).  As I start this post the lyrics are running in my head and I can't help but laugh at why this song has popped in my head.  In case you don't remember it, let me give you a few of the lyrics:

I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
Know where I'm goin' and I know what to do
I tidied up my point of view
I got a new attitude
I'm in control, my worries are few
'Cause I've got love like I never knew
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
I got a new attitude

We all deal with people on a daily basis that just have a BAD attitude.   I mean they are the constant Debbie Downers and nothing ever seems to cheer them up.   Their face needs botox just to get the permanent frown turned upside down!

A few years ago I was stressed out over just the daily depressive state of those around me.   My co-workers were in stages of divorces, my boss was embarking on a stressful new venture,  my own husband was overworked  and every client that came to the law firm I worked at owed the IRS a lot of money.  Needless to say, I was surrounded by NEGATIVITY all the time.

One morning on my way to work I just decided that I was NOT going to be that way --- Nor were my kids!   They were in the 2nd, 4th and 5th grade at the time and just starting the "whining" about how life was not fair with homework, chores and etc.   We established a new rule that day that got us out of elementary school into the high school years.

If you have something negative to say about your day you must be ready to tell me 5 positive things FIRST.   If not, I don't want to hear it.

This turned our daily car rides and life to be much more of an enjoyable experience.  Most the time by the time the kids finished their 5 positive things they had forgotten their negative thing they wanted to tell me.  It was a refocus for them (and me) to spend more time concentrating on that which is good in life rather than bad.   Luckily, this attitude adjustment has served us well.   

Sure, we still forget and have to remind ourselves to focus on the positives first.  It is almost natural that when life gets hectic, out of control or not in sync with one another that you get away from the basic concept but it does always find a way of sinking back in.

Have you ever tried something similar to keep your life focused on the positives?   If so, isn't it funny just how many sour-pusses you get to smile?     

I hope the next time you are confronted with an angry person you just adorn a great big smile on your face and become extra peppy!  Even if they don't feel better, you will!

Seeking Advice

I love when my kids were younger and they would ask me advice on how to "fix something" or "do something".  This type of curiosity is why I spent years captive to outlet plug protectors, cabinet child proof locks and even at one time a bike lock on the fridge!   (Don't judge if you have not waken up to your kids finger painting with eggs on the floor of your kitchen!!!!)

What I love about their request is that really they have no intention of listening to you most of the time.   What they want is to get your attention so that they can show you how they are going to do it.

Questions like:

"Mommy when I climb on top of this bunk bed and jump off onto the bean bag should I wear my batman cape or my superman cape?"   ....The question is can I do this but they disguise it with an option of which super hero can make this leap safely.  (and yes, this almost happened in our house - thanks to Kagan!)

" Mommy which do you think would be better if I use this paint to color my bedroom walls or would you like me to paint yours and Daddy's room with it?"  Hopefully you were paying close attention and realized they said WALLS and did not mistake this for a just a picture to hang on the wall.

Yet we often soliciate this same kind of advice from our friends too, don't we?   We just throw out a scenario to see if someone will validate what we have already made our mind up to do.   Many times though we are just praying that someone will give us hope to defy what we know is actually possible.

Questions like:
  
"My boyfriend cheated on me a few times but I think that he is really going to change.  What do you think I can do to make sure he does not cheat on me again."  Seriously, you know to get out while you can but hoping someone will give you an answer that you don't already know.

"My husband has been in a coma for two years now and the doctors say he will never recover to the man he was so should pull his life support?  Do you think someone can make a full recovery after that long on life support?"  Your heart breaks to know that the answer of the fact that a miracle is the only possibility for a situation like this but you just can't let go.

"I feel a lump in my breast.  I wonder if it could just a fluke?  Do you think I should just wait and see what it does in a few months before I go the doctor?"  You surely don't want to face the outcome of what it could be so if no one confirms it then it does not exist.

I don't always want to the answers that life gives.  Yet, there are so many times that even when I know the answer in my gut I just want to force someone else to say it aloud.   Sometimes you just need advice from others to help you accept what you already know and that is okay.  At least you get someone to share with and confide in so that you can decide how to proceed.

5 Things I Learned About Change

The word CHANGE is a 6 letter word that many people find almost as offensive as any 4 letter word that your mom would have washed your mouth out with soap for saying.  Just ask an 80 year old back pew Baptist if they want change and you can assure yourself of a nasty scolding!

John Campbell said that “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”  Wow, that is a novel idea to consider that we are not giving up something with change but rather opening ourselves up for a better something along the way.

We all experience change in our lives.  Change of getting older, change in jobs, change in relationships, change in location and more importantly change in ourselves.  It is simply a fact of life that change will come but the reality of how we deal with change is something not as concrete.


Most recently our lives were changed with the diagnosis of our then 15 year old having cancer.  Before this our lives changed when we adjusted from me being a stay-at-home mom to working mom.   Years before this we picked up our family and moved from all our family in Texas to Florida.    We changed the size of family from two to three to four to five.... Just a select few changes that have shaped me from who I was starting out in life to who I am today.

Change does not have to be a nasty word it can just be a new normal.

1.  Location, Location, Location....

Anyone in business will tell you that the success of a business can be merely the placement of where you are.    This is true in any one's life.  If you are physically in a spot where you are not thriving then a simple change of your location can improve the outcome of your circumstances.  At times this might require a change of neighborhoods, a change of jobs or even as simple as a change of which side of the argument you stand on if you find that you are wrong.

2.  It is okay to attempt change more than once.....

If you are like me change can sometimes take practice.   You might make two steps forward and one step back but at least you are moving in a direction closer to where you want to be.   For me this is like my weight.... I drop pounds to find them again along with some of their friends who decide to come along for the journey.    However, I am thankful for the hundreds of pounds shed over the years so that I don't weigh as much as an elephant.   Each little pound lost, even gained back, was something I am not carrying today.

3.  Unexpected change can be the most life changing....

When we have not planned changed but it comes upon us a like a tsunami hitting a third world country we are forced to find out what we are really made of.  We learn what we can handle and what we can't.   In the midst of the waves crashing and drowning us is when learn how to come up for the air that will sustain us.


4.  Have an anchor for change....

For me, my family is my anchor.

Sometimes when change starts rolling it is hard not to get caught up in and lose sight of what is really needing to be changed.  For example, you can decide to change your look with a new haircut and before you know it you are so obsessed with change that you become like Michael Jackson and almost unrecognizable to even those who love you most.

It is okay if you are changing and someone you trust pulls you back a little.  It might be that you still proceed but with a little more caution and hopefully a clearer vision of what you want.

 5.  Don't forget the caterpillar....

 Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over he became a butterfly - unknown

When change comes by planning or by surprise don't treat it as life is over or that nothing more will come.  The whole purpose of life is the journey that you go through in each stage in life.   It can be hard, it can be painful and it can also be tons of fun.